| Thingy from stephy |
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| 01:57pm 25/03/2005 |
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mood:  chipper music: none
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1. copy and post in your LJ
2. bold anything that is true
3. leave plain anything that is untrue
4. add something
01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I watch more tv than I used to.
03. I love olives.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I own lots of books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
07. I love to play video games.
08. I've tried marijuana.
09. I've watched porn movies.
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (My ex was)
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (Newly learned lesson)
13. I have acne free skin. Well pretty much.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
15. I curse frequently.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I've been told I have a nice butt.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I've never broken someone else's bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I love rain. (Sometimes, like right now)
24. I'm paranoid at times.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free.
26. I need money right now.
27. I love sushi. (HOW DID YOU KNOW?!)
28. I talk really, really fast.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have semi-long hair. (Nope, it's long)
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs.
35. I have a twin.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months. (I had to)
40. I know how to do cornrows. (No, but I've had them)
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have mood swings.
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is pretty. (Well she's not ugly but she's nothing special)
45. I have cheated on significant other.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. Always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I'm popular. (Yea, generally)
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
51. I enjoy talking on the phone. {it depends who it is}
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with my LJ
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer.
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
68. I've rejected someone before.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future. (Definately)
72. I have changed a diaper before.
73. I've had the cops called on me before.
74. I bite my nails all the time.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything deadly
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger....
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex esp. when they are really good looking.
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol before
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
85. I own the "South Park" movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
88. I enjoy country music.
89. I love my best friends. (How would I live without them?!)
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
98. I have dated a close friend's ex. (Thas against the rules)
99. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving
101. I have/had a crush on somebody I've never met.
102. I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in 'lust' more than in 'love.'
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "Lost"
111. I think Beyblades is the coolest show in coolsville. And I think that tekken is the rockingest game in rockville.
112. There are more things I could be better at, if only I tried harder.
113. Sometimes I don't like food.
114. I worry sometimes that I'm not being the best friend I could be to the people I care about. {who doesnt?}
115. I desperately want people to respect me but it rarely happens.
116. I have never been able to say anything positive about myself and truly believe it.
117. I am bisexual.
118. I think scottish accents are very attractive.
119. I could spend an entire day on the computer with the occasional potty & food breaks.
120. I think George W. Bush is not only a horrible president, but really annoying as well.
121. I have never been this happy with my life and content in this skin.
122. I have no problem downloading Mp3's for free
123. I adore scarves.
124. I'm a total lit nerd.
125. I have a severe coffee addiction
126. I like classical music.
127. I have gone to the theater to see Rocky Horror in costume.
128. I play a sport which involves no contact whatsoever. (track, bitchesss)
129. I sometimes delude myself into thinking that college will be the solution to all of my problems.
130. I steal other peoples lj icons.
131. The person I like likes someone else.
132. i enjoy watching and or reading harry potter over and over
133. i have really and truly bawled my eyes out in the past week.
134. i have slept a straight 24 hours.
135. I have mooned the freeway with a member of the opposite sex.
the one i add:
136: I believe that being left in the dark about someones feelings about you can be a truely amazing, and lovely experience and it definatly outrides the bad of it. |
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| I Hate You |
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| 06:03pm 24/03/2005 |
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mood:  creative music: I Don't Sleep I Dream~REM
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I can’t believe the hurt you cause me
Everything you say is a lie
I can’t believe the words you told me
With your vile twisted tongue
What did I ever do to you
To be treated this way?
I no longer believe in who I am
You tore out my heart
And crushed it with your words
You crush my dreams
And throw them all away
You broke your promise, demon
I can’t trust you
Love you
Anymore.
I’ve always tried to please you
Do everything to make you proud
And this is how I’m repaid?
With your oath broken!
Am I that worthless to you?
Do I mean that little?
I hate you- I hate you…
I despise you!
What did I ever do to you!
Nothing.
I did nothing.
~~
For my Mother |
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| Darling |
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| 06:00pm 24/03/2005 |
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mood:  sad music: This Joke Isn't Funny Anymore~ The Smiths
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I wait for you, honey
In the silence of this night
I wait to feel your arms around me
Darling
The only one who can hold me right
I missed you when you left from here
When you went away
Though it has only been a night, darling
I miss you in the dark.
With no one next to me
To love me and hold me tight
I miss your presence beside me, honey
The only thing keeping me safe
The rise of your breath, dear
it comforted me
The curve of your cheek
it warmed
I miss the taste of your kisses, darling
Like nectar for a bee
They feed the longing inside me, dear
that only you can feed
Come to me and bring the light again
Darling
You know I need you so
Come and be my twilight
My savior from the cold
The bed is so empty without you, darling
So empty without you here
I need you beside me,
Darling
To drive out all I fear. |
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| God.. what's wrong with me? |
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| 07:39pm 30/01/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: Rainy Days and Mondays ~The Carpenters
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Don't you hate those feelings when you want to break down and cry, but you never fucking can? It bugs the hell out of me.. just wants to make me scream and rip my hair out of my head... *sighs* I haven't been able to cry for a few weeks.. last time i did was only a few tears when I was on the phone with Tim. *shakes head* Crying relieves so much, just lets everything go... but no..
I can't fucking do it.
But why am I complaining? There are people worse of then I am, everywhere. There are people who are abused, who are lost, raped, close to death.. have an uncureable illness... and I'm just complaining about the fact that my moms a fucking drunk who tears my heart out of my chest and stamps on it everytime she drinks.
I could easily fix the problem too... I'm a coward.
I am always telling people to stand up to their problems.. but what do I do? Run from my own, with my tail between my legs.
God damn it. I hate life. |
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| Homework... |
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| 01:31pm 09/01/2005 |
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mood: crappy music: none
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Jessica has so much stuff to do today... Jessica must go to band rehearsal in thirty minutes for our trips... I guess practice is going to be EVERY fucking suday.. so you know... im full up now *grumbles and sighs* thsi sucks...
Time to leave now to get there *grumbles*
AND I STILLL HAVE A WHOLE BOOK REPORT TO DO! |
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| Dont Let Me Leave... |
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| 11:11pm 08/01/2005 |
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mood: creative music: May It Be ~Enya
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Life does many things to others
tares apart sisters and brothers
Life does many other things, too
like make me fall in love with you.
I've tried to deny it
I've tried to hide it
I want to throw it away.
in a stone tomb I'd wish it lay
But I can't deny it to myself, the thing I need is you
I can't hide it from myself, even though I really want to..
I try to tell myself I'm not the one you need
but only does it feed--
this love I feel inside my soul
like fire, it burns, out of control.
God, please, I need you so
I only wish that you could know
but I'm afraid to ask you, to try
so instead I sit and I cry...
Sure, I flirt, sure, I tease
I smile and I try to please
but all I really want is you,
someone to care, and talk to
I have had others, that is no lie
but even though I did try
to forget you, to push you away
in my heart still you stay.
some have told me to try it, to ask
still I hide behind this mask
I’ve made for myself, to hide--
to keep my heart defied.
This is my plead to you, my dear
to take away all I fear..
just let me have you, all my own
please don’t let me walk alone..... |
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| oui.... (I really like that word) A Friendship renewed? |
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| 10:25pm 08/01/2005 |
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mood:  cranky music: What A Day That Was~ Talking Heads
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Alrite, tonight Anna and Melissa came over (some of you know them as MP and Ohana) and recently.. we've been growing... raelly.. distant. I mean... for someone you grew up in diapers with, who you spent almost every weekend up till middle school with... its hurtful and sad when relationships like that break apart. I mean it's evident that it's going to, but you dont like facing it in the face...
Anyway.. Like i was saying.. they came over today. It was nice to see them, even though they interupted my time with Stephy :( (sorry steph!) but yeah, we talked and played outburst. (fun ass game on the computer) It was nice to be with them and be able to laugh again. We havent done that in so long.
*thinks* ummmm.... oh.... uh.. Going to church with Andy tomorrow. That'll prove to be fun-- I hope... who knows..
*groans* i have so much fucking homework..
*cries* save me |
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| Thing I stole from Stephy! ^_^ lol oh im such a lil theif |
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| 06:46pm 08/01/2005 |
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mood:  blank music: Run Wolf Warrior~ Yoko Kanno
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Fill it out for me... please? *bats eyelashes*
01. Who are you, what's our ...relationship?:
02. How and where did we meet?:
03. What's my middle name?:
04. How long have you known me?:
05. Tell me one good thing about myself?:
06. When you first saw me, what was your impression?:
07. My age:
08. Birthday:
09. My favorite band at the moment:
10. Colour eyes:
11. Do I have any siblings?:
12. Have you ever had a crush on me?:
13. What's one of my favorite things to do?:
14. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?:
15. Describe me in 3 words:
16. Name 5 things I love:
17. Do you think I'm good looking?:
18. How would you describe me to someone?:
19. Would you ever date me?:
20. Tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:
21. What do you like most about me?:
22. If we could spend a day together, what would we do?:
23. Have we ever gotten in a fight?:
24. Do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years?:
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
26. What do you think my weakness is?:
27. Do you think I'll get married?:
28. What makes me happy?:
29. What makes me sad?:
30. What reminds you of me?:
31. If you could give me anything, what would it be?:
32. When's the last time you saw me?:
33. Do you think our ...friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?:
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?:
35. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?:
36. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?:
37. What song (if any) reminds you of me?:
38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?:
39. Would you make a move on me?:
40. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day?:
3rd Time Updatin...
1. Your REAL Name: Jessica
2. What friends call you: Jessy, Jess, Butt, Frighty, Frightful, Puppy, Freddy, Porno
3. What your (ex)calls you: Jess... and Jessy.. XD
4. What's a name you once wished you'd rather have?: Alanna
5. What is/are the ugliest name(s) you can think of?: er... Francis.. or Isabella..
6. What would you name these if you had them as pets?
a. turtle: James
b. goose: Honker
c. pirate: First-Mate
d. a hot girl: uh... Hot-Girl XD
7. If there was a song about you, what would it be called?: ummm... Happiness? XD or.. Way Too Optimistic XD
8. What would you name your kids?: Boys: Alex, Alexander (yeah Alex, I love your name) Girls: Alanna, Alexandria
9. What would you name a ship you built? The Black Pearl! lol
10. If you wrote a book, what would it be called?: ALL FOR ONE!!!
Part Two - Have you ever...
11. Thrown up in public?: no
12. Eaten or drank anything spoiled?: milk..
13. Had a rip in your pants you didn't know about?: mmhm
14. Tripped while checking someone out?: I dont usually check people out XD lol
15. Had to pay for something you broke?: nope ^_^
16. Nearly drowned?: I'd like to think so.. but in reality i was learning how to swim.. lol
17. Passed out?: from being too tired, yeah
18. Had a crush on somebody NOT single?: yes
19. Been stuck in the rain?: oh yaeh, I love it ^_^
20. Been attacked by an animal?: lol my brother count?
21. Caught people having sex?: umm... no.. actully
22. Fallen asleep while driving?: Nope
23. Felt attracted to someone of the same sex?: Definately not
24. Actually slipped on a banana peel?: XD no! whoever came up with that joke had issues
25. Made a wish that came true?: Many actully
Part Three - Complete The Sentence
26. I once had a dream... that I was dead
27. I'm only racist towards... I'm not racist...
28. I don't even know why I'm... wishing for something.
29. I'd give anything to have sex with... someone i love
30. Nothing sucks more than having to... work
32. It's hot... in my pants ((lol version of its happy in my pants, all for you emmalee)
33. It[life]'s always more fun if you... have your friends with you
34. You can't eat steak without... ME! lol
35. You better shut up before I... bite you ;)
36. Just put it in my... pocket
37. I really like you and everything but... I like being friends.
38. I'm not who you think I am. Im really... a fat gay man. (oui, I love you Jess)
39. Dude! Where's my... schedual! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?! *cries*
Part Four - What would you do if...
40. A dirty old guy at the airport slaps your ass?: Punch... XD then run away
41. You witness somebody about to steal your car?: Scream at them
42. You wake up with a billion spiders crawling all over you and your bed? Scream... jump out of bed, trying to shake them off.. doing a lil spidey dance
43. You farted while giving a persuasive speech in class?: Uh.. oh.. wow.. was that me? XD And that just proves how explosive my statement is!
44. The person you just kissed tells you they have oral herpes? stare...
45. A genie lets you have three wishes? fix my problems, take me to Jen Jen, Jess, Tim, and Stephy, make my family whole again
46. The government allowed you to choose one thing to be made illegal and one thing to be legalized?: Illegal: DRINKING Legal: having sex whenever you want.. (no seriously lol)
47. Britney Spears was at your front door asking for jumper cables?: ask her "What, did you do it again?"
48. You had a time machine?: Go back and fix things that i totally fucked up on...
49. FOX gave you a half hour show to do whatever you wanted?: Debate world issues
Part Five- Would you rather...
50. Would you rather find the cure for cancer or the cure for AIDS?: Cancer
51. Would you rather have the power to fly, or the power to teleport?: Fly
52. Would you rather have the power to see the future, or the power to record your dreams?: Record my dreams
53. Would you rather be really skinny, or really fat?: FAT
54. Would you rather be lost in a forest, or stuck in a box?: depends who im in the box with :P
55. Would you rather be in a drama movie, or a comedy?: omg.. so comedy
56. Would you rather be in a hip hop video or a rock video?: ROCK!!!!!!!
57. Would you rather have your birthday on Christmas Day, or on February 29th?: February 29th...
58. Would you rather live in the sewer, or in Afghanistan?: Afghanistan
59. Would you rather be in a mental institution or in a penitentiary?: not sure... XD
60. Would you rather snow board or hang glide?: hang glide
61. Would you rather be a ninja or a pirate?: Pirate
Part Six - What's the FIRST thing that comes to your mind when you read the following words?
62. Courage: wolves
63. Driver: truck
64. Yoga: god i really shoulda kept up with that...
65. Bakery: oh no.. fire.. ill burn it..
66. Roach: Papa XD
67. Mushroom: Tim.. (mushroom cloud) XD
68. Sprung: I like Big Buts
69. Exotic: dancing!
70. Pythagorean: what does that mean?
Part Seven - Miscellaneous
71. Construct an acronym for these words.
(example: G M S = Great Meat Soup)
a. S O L R A C: Socialied order of Love Rings Anger and Caring (lmao.. does that make sence?)
b. D A N G E R: Danger Aruging Nitwit Greeting Eager Rocks...
c. C H I N A: Choo Hate Intelligence and Northern Americans
d. R P G: Role Play Game XD lol
72. What is your definition of love?: oh here we go... When you care where that person is at all times of the day, worry for them, even if you have no cause to. When you just want to be with them all the time, to be held, and just to talk. When simply [i]being[/i] there with that person can make your life jsut appear that much easier. When you would do anything at all for that person, even die for them, because they mean the world to you. that's love.
73. List 3 words that are clues to identifying a person you are currently interested in: intresting, funny, cuddly
74. Reveal a secret about you that nobody knows of, but type it in acronym form.: I C N L W O T D G O I W D
77. Who or what is your worst enemy?: my worst enemy is my fear of rejection.. it makes me want to become the spotlight.. which i hate being.. >.0
78. Who is the last person you kicked?: My brother
79. If you had to be a chess piece, which piece would you be?: The Rook
80. Name three people you know whose names begin with the last letter of your first name: Howell, uh... thats it XD
81. What's one romantic thing somebody's done for you?: er.. kiss my hand? XD which made me extreamly uncomfertable.. so... um... uh...
82. If you had to break one of your bones, which bone would it be?: my leg
Part Eight - What Is Your opinion?
83. "Girls are nothing but drama.": lol most girls definatly are
84. "Only idiots watch The Simpsons." hey.. are you calling me an idiot?
85. "Kentucky is way better than Cali": i'll tell you when i get back from Cali.
86. "There's nothing wrong with stealing." yah there is..
87. "Alcohol is the answer to ALL your problems.": None of em
88. "You don't need to go to college to be a brain surgeon.": You can be whatever you want to be, you don't need school to dicide that.
89. "Music is stupid.": Music is my life
90. "Your car sucks.": lol i dont have a car *cries* |
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| love is |
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| 04:07pm 02/01/2005 |
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mood:  anxious music: Lord of the Rings movie
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what a tricky lil thing ;) oh well ^_^ awesome anyway
Happy 'wrinkly weener kissing' new year ^_^ Ask Mandie, Lilly, or Jen.. I'm not in the mood to explain it.
Anyway, doing some research for forensics.. not sure yettt what im going to do... I'm thinking something along the lines of alcholism now *thanks stephy* so.. we'll see how it goes. |
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| love |
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| 03:40am 28/12/2004 |
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"the love needs to be put back into the Love Cult" copy and paste that in your LJ if you agree. |
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| It is with great tiredness |
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| 09:08pm 20/12/2004 |
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mood: groggy music: Komm, Susser Tod~ From The End of Evangelion
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It is with great tiredness that I make this entry, having just read almost the complete Pride and Predijudce novel, and comferting a friend of mine, as well as creating a dozen cds, which is extreamly wearisome business. I must take a shower after this beif but hearty entry.
Unfortunatly, I have yet to understand my feelings for Lance. (... Court... shut up) I saw him today and like... I felt a yearning inside that really confused me as well as filled me full of dispair, because this has been my feeling over the past year, and it's quite dreadful. I am afraid that I will never berid of it. Yet, it's a comfert to see him, and I miss him greatly, and hope to see him again very soon.
So, I'm going to stop writing now, for my print of my next cd is done, and I have yet one more to make. Lord spare me! |
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| today |
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| 01:10am 19/12/2004 |
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mood: tired music: How Soon Is Now? ~The Smiths
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intresting day today. Went to my grandparents, and ate, came home, went to a play "Canned Hamelet" LAUGHED MY ASS OFF!! then went to Anna and Melissas, who i haven't seen since Halloween.. It was nice to see them.. even though we arn't really close anymore. It's depressing... they used to be my best friends *sighs* oh well.. i guess people change... |
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| time for bitchyness |
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| 11:55pm 06/12/2004 |
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mood: depressed music: none
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*sigh* Hey, me again.. no shit, right> >.0 I hate my life. I feel like SUCH a bitch. You know I dumped Josh the other day... I didn't know till then that he was taking Zoloft (The anti-depressent) It's like... why didn't you TELL me this?!?!?!?!?! Sorry, I still feel totally bad about that, and there's nothing I can do about it..
Not to mention that I just want someone to love..I can't seem to find it though.. *cries* GOD DAMN IT! I hate it..
Where is God? Ppeple are alway stelling me he exists but I've never felt him. I want so much to have faith in something right now but I can't find it.
I was told that 9th grade was the wrost grade. I'll have to agree. In no other grade have I been under this much emotional depression. I've never felt suicidle before, this is my first year for that, and it scares me like all hell... god... *sighs* |
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| oh time for a LONG rant... maybe |
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| 09:55pm 05/12/2004 |
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mood: lonely music: Circus Envy ~R.E.M
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*sighs* alright lets start this. This past few days i've been doing alot of thinking, Alex can tell ya, and I'm not really happy with what I've been thinking. I mean, I've been thinking about the whole reason for life, reason for existance, what's the point? There isn't really one is there, besides to secure our future? But if we're always securing our future, what about our present? What does it matter if we ace an exam or fail a test, it doesn't MATTER if we arn't happy doing it.
And then you get people who say that it is to make you happier LATER to do this and that, but what about NOW? When do I get to ENJOY later? and will i regret not enjoying NOW? god.. complicated isn't it?
I just want to break down and cry but I can't. I don't remember last time I cried... I wish someone would just make me cry, make me have a total breakdown so i can just sit and wollow in my own self pitty and not care. Why do I care so much anyway? It sucks. I mean, god... I'm always worrying or always stressing and I'm sick of it! I just want to be free, to relax, and not to be as tense as I am. I hate who I am... so much.. and I can't change it either without giving up what I'm afraid to.
>.< sorry to make you read that.. |
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freddysassgrove's journal
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